I would like to take this moment to show my utmost appreciation for all those behind the scenes that allow Marnie to give us the most loving safe place on the internet. Next a thank you to the M/Body Family. Thanks for your loving care and kindess you bring to this platform. When we are online here,  a place I call home now, we feel the extended love from Marnie, her crew and all of you. Feeling gratitude today.

Hi GFam! I want to say how sweet and inspiring it was to be a part of that 500th class with you all. In moving through the catalog, I hear so many of your names over and over in classes from 1,2,3,4 years ago and think, "she's still here! I 'see' her at lives now!" Seeing you all at the 500th and hearing you call on each other or hearing that you're working out together is such a testament to this community and to the love for each other and for Marnie and this platform. I feel really lucky to be here and to bear witness to the solidness and consistency of this container. 

I am not on social media because of how it has historically affected my self-esteem and mental health, and sometimes, I worry that I'll re-enter some old patterns when I engage with the social aspect of this platform. It's something I try really hard to be aware of and honest about with myself. That being said, I mentioned during the live today that I've been struggling with an uptick in my anxiety lately, and I was so grateful for the connection offered in the thread and by Marnie. Most of my community lives in a different city than I do, and in moments where I'm feeling panicked or lost, that distance feels very pronounced. 

This particular bout with anxiety has made it clearer than ever to me how harsh and unloving my inner voice can be and how quick I am to be hard on myself and my body without even really thinking about it. Some days that is the only voice I can hear. There's a lot of fear and criticism rumbling around, and I know I am not the only one. The world is nuts right now. Things feel destabilizing at the least and downright unsafe for so many, and it's hard to regulate when we don't feel safe. 

Seeing the love you all send one another, feeling the kindness of acknowledgment in class today (and many other days!) and observing how much it means to me to meet my body and start to earnestly work toward healing my relationship with it--these are all things that make this a remarkable space. I'm learning to be with myself in a different way, to slow down and catch unloving thoughts, to respect my sweat and my limits and my physical ability, and I've still got a long way to go. But I am trying to MAKE SPACE for something different than just the anxiety and the inner critic and the depressive thoughts to come in. Thank you all for being here and for making this a space I feel safe enough to shout into the virtual void and send out my intentions to keep showing up and healing and trying and being vulnerable. I am so so grateful. 

Sending lots of love and strength to Jenny Groener  on the death of your mom.  It's so hard to lose the woman that brought us into this world and taught us how to be strong and loving women. You're in my thoughts.

xo Mary-Ellen

I'm working during tomorrow's live but you can bet I will do it when I get home!!! So happy to be back!!! Can't wait to be live with you all soon! You'll hear me shouting all my love to you all from Alberta!!