Jessica

Buffalo, NY, United States

17 Sep 07:38

Thank you all. In just under 24 hours, since I've come back, I feel right at home. And I've been reminded of forgiveness... forgiving myself for protecting my heart when I was scared. Forgiving my mother and sister, for I know their heart, and their actions toward me were not out of malice, and even despite the wrongfulness against me, I love them anyway. And that is the key... to love anyway. This year, to experience what it means to forgive and to love anyway opens my eyes that even in our brokenness, never cease loving one another.  So in my heart, when I left, I felt like I a ran away, because my own caged heart was afraid to embrace the love because I believed I was unworthy. But I realized, that's the lie... believing we are unworthy of true love. So love anyway. 

Of course our connections are real. I was simply too afraid to embrace it fully out of fear of being hurt. But again, love anyway. Love is worth it. Thank you for the love <3 

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Thank you Caroline. It is a wonderful gift. And I hope so too. I feel back at home. My heart feels safe to love, to forgive, and embrace again. You are wonderful and I hope you are well. <3

Mary Ellen, you are so sweet and kind. And my heart has been with you through and through, for I know of the tough times you speak of. I believe in our connections as well, it's my own self-doubt that can trouble me. And you're right, the love and support from here is uplifting and true. It is a true. Thank you for that reminder. It's amazing in to be a place where we can bring our troubled hearts and be shown immense love and patience. Thank you. And I hope you are well, and I am sending my love and hope to you. <3 

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Thank you Cathy. I hope you can understand how hard it can be at times... I don't want to be like this but my heart aches at times. Sometimes that pain can remind me that love and life are worth fighting for. Maybe the weight is a gift, to love deeper and know love is worth fighting for. I hope you know how much I appreciate this. You are all amazing and I believe it's worth it for me to begin trusting I'm just that amazing. <3 

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Julia, thank you! This has always been a safe place. It hasn't been easy in my life opening up and the space here has helped me in so many ways. I've missed you all!!! And It feels good to be back. It brings me so much joy showing you all love and support. 

And you're so right about the phone thing. Navigating the apps and the online world can just  feel so overwhelming at times, so thanks for sharing. (helps me feel normal) I appreciate your love and support. 

Leah! Thank you. It feels really good to hear you say that because I believe our connections are real too, I just get so scared, and I'm truly sorry. Being reminded of trusting in others pierces through my heart and gives me a boost in confidence. No man is an island... we need each other. You words remind of Lee Ann Womack's "I hope you dance". Thank you and giving you the biggest hug ever!!! <3

16 Sep 07:34

Hey Debora! I checked out both video posts, and OMG, what a cutie! My heart soars seeing Moonpie running through the yard! Incredible. Great job teaching Moonpie to trust. 

16 Sep 07:32

I'm so very sorry for your loss Marnie. My heart goes out to you. 

Posted

16 Sep 07:30

Hey M/BODY fam. I've been a part of M/BODY for 4 years. This past February I needed to leave to find clarity within myself and the online world. I am 35 years old for reference, and growing up with the internet has been fun, exciting, and a good in the world... however, things became frightening for me and I felt like was a slave to the online world rather than a master of it. I couldn't keep up. And it made my question my place here even more.

I felt like I abandoned you all, because in a way I did. I have felt how wrong that is and I am sorry. You see, I used to believe that the feelings we share here are real and the connections we make are real. And then doubt seeped in. I got scared and my past experiences of being lied to, like by my mother & sister, got in my head and I didn't know if I could trust it here. I have been abandoned myself, and I began to wonder if the feelings I feel here are real. I got scared and didn't want to get hurt, and I left. I hope you can forgive me. I have struggled my entirety wondering if I fit in here... But one thing is for certain, I don't feel like myself without these workouts. I truly love this format and the music.I love who I am in these workouts.  I know I fit in there. I forgot to focus on the love in my heart. I am afraid to admit it because If I admit what I love, does it have power over me?? It comes back to the pain from my mother, I loved her and she did not love me back and I lived my entire childhood doing everything to get her attention and approval. I am so afraid women will be like that to me... and I am still learning to trust even with that grief in my heart. Through the years, I have protected my heart as If I am a wounded animal... I get closed off, scared, runaway, etc. I hope you can understand that. 

I'm a sensitive woman. I care more than enough. I am truly sorry and I hope you all can forgive me. But a side note, I kept wondering, should I say goodbye leaving a platform or say something. Like what are the mannerisms & etiquettes of the online world, because it can feel abrupt, and too fast for my soul. It didn't feel right to build a connection to the platform, then the membership is up and it's just gone. That doesn't feel right to me. Therefore, I am going to do my best to do the right thing, not just in real life, but even online. Because manners and etiquette mean something. 

Sending my love, and I'm glad to be back. 

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27 Mar 10:44

Beautiful workout and beautiful meditation at the end. It's not a coincidence I picked this workout for today. Thank you!  

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