Hey m/body gfam 💗

It’s been a while since I’ve done a LIVE with yall. Back in the beginning of February I was diagnosed with 2 disc extrusions between my c4 and c6, severely compressing my c6 nerve, This was after finally admitting to being in pain for about 2.5 weeks after a thai massage therapist pressed his toes into my neck. I’d been going to this massage place for almost a decade. Have had people walk on my back. Lots of emotions around that alone. But besides that just wild that I effectively gaslit myself for so long, telling myself “this is just how it is sometimes, it just must be how I’m sleeping, or something I’m doing wrong” - even though there were signs that this wasn’t an everyday thing : tingling in my left thumb, left forearm, shoulder, and scapula soreness, and just feeling like my trapezius was a literal rock. Positive: I still had a pretty good ranger of motion in my neck without pain.

My neurosurgeon did end up recommending surgery, but I knew and he acknowledged that I’m a young, healthy woman (🙏). So we made a deal. I wanted to try PT, anti inflammatories, pain relievers, and muscle relaxants for a couple months first and really pay attention to my body’s signals and report back. This was only 20 days into the R&A challenge, and I really wanted to keep going because I WOULD actually feel less soreness after a class (choosing mods) and the thought of not finishing with the challengers. really. really sucked. I got pretty down. I didn’t want to interact or engage and I felt like a let down.  But a few weeks into PT, I told myself I’m still  definitely in a challenge 😂 it’s just that it’s shifted a little bit to focusing on my recovery and working on these stories I tell myself, staying consistent with my PT, prioritizing rest and filling my body and brain and heart with good things. 

PT has been crazy cool. I love learning about the body, and how it works, and how my trap and surrounding muscle groups felt like a brick wall because they thought they needed to protect my neck (I think about Wu-Tang Clan a LOT now) I told my PT, “Thats very sweet of them…but I need them to take a chill pill.” I learned while I wasn’t doing anything “wrong” like I was telling myself, I was not supporting my neck and shoulders while sleeping or at work or even in those in-between moments, like watching tv or scrolling on the couch. And I was putting a lot more of the responsibility on my upper traps to do the work during exercise and lifting, and leaving out the the parts of my shoulder and back that wanted recognition.

I would hop on to the LIVE chats when I could make it, and guys let me tell you. There is truly nothing like knowing however-many people are showing up, in however way that looks, for themselves and each other at the same time, in different places, and your body just swells with gratitude and acceptance and confidence. This community is really quite rad. 

No one ever told me to stop doing m/body. In fact my PT told me low-impact cardio, proper form in exercise and core support, and building strength (no heavy weightlifting directly over my head), and meditation are proven to benefit the healing of injuries like this from and emotional and physical perspective. But at that time it felt like stopping was the right choice. 

I started m/body classes again around when the R&A challenge ended. Less jumping from me, and a lot more feeling into my alignment and neck and shoulder tension than I had before. So about a week into that, I was feeling really good, and I told myself I’d start R&A over again with that same intentionality. And it’s continued to feel really really good. And I’m just a lot happier, to not be in nearly as much pain and the feeling is back in my thumb, but I’m also so grateful to be here. I feel myself getting more confident and open. So 👏 much 👏of this work 👏supports 👏the spine 👏- top to bottom. It’s adaptable. And all the work we do opening our chest, sliding our shoulders away from our ears, bracing our ribcage, and the reflection at the end is so so so healing. So much good shoulder work. Trying not to think too hard about why I stopped 😂😂😂

I wish I had said something earlier when I needed support. I guess you don’t know what you don’t know etc. But also in some ways I guess I still do! If you ever see my name, please remind me to soften my heart and keep my back strong. I don’t know that I’ve ever shared something like this with this community before, and I’m aware that it’s quite long and that makes me nervous, but I’m trying to practice more vulnerability and taking up space and speaking up!

Thank you guys for making this one of the bravest spaces in my life.